They Know Cool Stuff You Don't

I came across the other day, and I just LOVE it. 

I feel very strongly that we've done ourselves and our community, our world a disservice by living isolated, disconnected lives.

Each day, I have the opportunity to take to a six year old, a five year old, a two year old, and an infant.  If I'm listening I can learn so much. 

Most days, I have the opportunity to talk to my elderly neighbors, my middle-aged parents, my husband and friends who are my peers.  Am I listening?  There are so, so many rich lessons to learn from each of them.

I love the idea of having a diverse array of perspectives of people who speak different languages, look different, are different ages, believe different things politically, are a different sexual orientation, are a different race, etc. etc. etc. in your life.  You stand to learn so much- and I am an idealist- I think the world truly does become a better place when we take the time to really hear from and learn from one another.

What do you think?  Agree or disagree?

I'll Say it Again: Don't Let the Perfect Be the Enemy of the Good

The other night in the middle of the night, I woke up in a cold sweat with a friend on my heart.  This friend has two small little boys and a sweet baby girl on the way and she's on bed rest.

I can't even imagine.

Small children demand so much time and energy, and they can't understand that you may or may not be in the best physical or emotional position to give it to them when you are pregnant.  That's hard enough even when you AREN'T on bedrest.

Up until the other day, I had not visited my friend once.  But that night, laying awake in my bed, thinking of her, I knew I had to.

So, I decided that I would text my friend the next day and see if I could drop by.  The only time I had available was after Norah's pick up from school which meant that I wouldn't be arriving until late afternoon (I ended up not being there until 4:30.)  And, most times, for most stay at homes moms, that's the home stretch.  In other words, it felt a little like, what's the point?  But, I decided not to let the perfect be the enemy of the good and I texted my friend anyway.

To be honest, I didn't want to go.  It wasn't because I don't love my friend, I do.  And it wasn't because I didn't want to see her, I did.  But, it takes a lot of energy and effort to load up all my kids and go somewhere.  Plus, I knew I wanted to bring my friend a meal and I can barely manage to get a meal on the table for my own family these days.  So, the situation wasn't ideal.

But, again, I decided not to let the perfect be the enemy of the good and we went.  The three littler kids and I went to pick up Norah at school.  We headed for Whole Foods and bought a few packaged items we thought would make a good meal.  It took all of 10 minutes. Albeit, I had to listen to the kids whining the whole time and we made two bathroom breaks in the store, but truly it wasn't nearly the big deal I had made it out to be in my mind.

Then, we headed out for my friend's house.  When we got there, her kids were so excited to see friends and they played.  Hard.  For like, 3 hours.  My friend asked if we might stay for dinner, it turned out her husband was working late.  So, we did.  And, I left a message with Lucas letting him know.  But, get this, it turned out HE was also working late which is so, so hard on me when I am alone with all 4 kids.

So, the two of us mamas together managed to entertain, feed, and clean up after the kids (all without having my friend move too much...she could still hold baby Grant, read books, and cuddle with kiddos while I did meal prep and clean up.)

It was a lovely afternoon/evening for us both.  I left feeling rejuvenated, too.  And, my day and my kids' days were brightened just as much as hers.

I can be a bit hard-headed.  As much as this community thing feels great in theory, it can be hard to live it.  But, yesterday, as is always the case, I was so, so glad I did.

Love Wins

There are so many hard things going on in the lives of people I love: cancer, autism, death, sick kids,  bed rest, infertility, unemployment.  I just feel so helpless.  I want to DO something.

I've realized I can't change a lot of what's going on for those I care about, (these are BIG things, God things) but I can be kind in little ways everyday to them and to all those I encounter through out the day.

So, I'm planning some random acts of kindness that I think will be so, so fun.

Random flower deliveries, anonymous money in mailboxes, meals and hand me downs, surprise visits, care packages.  It's taken my mind off of the very real pain going on just planning all of it!

What could you do to brighten the lives of those around you?  How could you bring hope and love into someone's day today?

Slow Down and Linger

This afternoon after attending Easter service this morning and brunch afterwards, we spent most of the day lounging around in our front yard.  Neighbors came in out as the day went on, and we parked ourselves there until pretty much sunset.

One neighbor brought over ice cold beers to share.  We brought out cold drinks for the kids.  Another neighbor had chips and guacamole, another still had toys they dumped across the rows of lawns for all the kids.  At one point, I brought out some boiled eggs and a bunch of bowls full of dye.  It was an activity I planned to do just with my kids, but I realized, why not include all the kids?

We ended up all sitting outside of our yard, and talking the day away.  It was fantastic.  Everyone shared what they had, and that led to a much, much more abundant bounty than any of us individually could have produced.  I looked around at all the kids and a couple of the baby girls on the block were wearing hand-me-downs that were once the girls' clothes.  Grant, too, wore another neighborhood boy's old duds.  It was awesome!

It was another reminder to keep time and space open in our lives to allow others in.  We were able to postpone dinner, and delay any plans we might have had in order to gather outside with all of our neighbors.  And it was so, so worth it.

What about you?  What could you do to slow down the pace of your daily living to let others' in?  This is definitely the time of year to do it.  In the spring and summer months it feels much more organic to linger out of doors and just naturally run into others on the street. 

I'm NOT Buying 'Em and Neither Should You: Victoria's Secret Aims New Marketing Campaign at Young Girls

I believe in the power of community, friends.  So, I'm asking for your help.

This week, I learned about Victoria's Secret's marketing campaign for their line PINK, a brand supposedly aimed at college girls.   For Spring Break 2013, their slogan is: "Bright Young Things."   I. Am. Livid.  The thong panties released as part of the campaign feature statements such as "Dare You," "Wild," and "Call Me" emblazoned on the backside.

Before I ever became a parent, I feel like I heard and read much about the growing dangers of sexual predators.  We've become hyper vigilant about protecting our children from the suspected molester lurking in the shadows.  We are suspicious of our neighbors and afraid to let our children venture far beyond our front doors.

But, there is another huge force preying on our children that we've neglected to protect them from-and it's just as dangerous: the constant barrage of overtly sexual marketing aimed at children, young girls in particular. "According to the American Psychological Association, the girlie-girl culture’s emphasis on beauty and play-sexiness can increase girls’ vulnerability to the pitfalls that most concern parents: depression, eating disorders, distorted body image, risky sexual behavior." -Peggy Orenstein, Cinderella Ate My Daughter.

A pair of underwear released as a part of the marketing campaign,  "Bright Young Things" by Victoria's Secret.

In other words, this type of marketing is not without consequence.  This new Spring Break marketing campaign pressures girls into thinking that promiscuous sex is just another rite of passage every girl needs to experience to have fun on spring break, whether or not she is old enough to consent  or is ready to make adult decisions about her health and her body is none of Victoria's Secret's concern.   Our daughters deserve better.  And, yes, as parents we can make decisions to counteract these messages in our homes, but there needs to be a larger societal shift in what we allow, what we buy into, and simply what we buy.  Because this isn't about imposing some modern-day chastity belt on young girls.  This is about the collective messages girls receive about their capabilities, and about their value- and about who stands to profit when a girl's aspirations shift from who she can be to who she should sleep with or who she should look like in order to be seen, heard, and loved.

Since coming under fire this week, Victoria's Secret has insisted their campaign is just a "slogan" and their line PINK is aimed at college girls, not younger teens.  But, I don't believe them.  The Limited is a corporate giant, with very skilled marketers promoting their brands.  A team of advertisers carefully considers every angle of every new campaign before it's released.   The vague title, "Bright Young Things" leaves us to wonder what are the things?  The clothes? The girls?  The ambiguous ages of the gaunt, youthful models featured leaves interpretation of "young" up to the imagination.  The panties themselves bedazzled with bling, neon colors, and seemingly playful statements are more befitting of what would otherwise be seen in the tween section of your local department store if it weren't for the fact that they're thongs. 

Victoria's Secret knows exactly what they're doing.  When a pedophile does it, it's called grooming.  Carefully calculated acts that in and of themselves can be interpreted as playful, even innocent when called into question.  But, you and I know better, Victoria's Secret.  And I'm not buying 'em: the panties OR the excuses.

Please, if you haven't already, go and sign the petition to pull this marketing campaign at www.change.org/brightyoungthings.  Together, we can positively affect the world our girls live in and how they see themselves in it.

Don't Let the Perfect Be the Enemy of the Good

It's been a while since I've written here, and honestly, it's because there is something on my heart that I have yet to do:  talk to our neighbor!

Our elderly neighbor just had surgery, and I want so badly to talk with her husband to see how she is doing but I am having a hard time deciding what is appropriate.  I know he's a quiet man, and doesn't like a lot of attention- but I SO want to know how our family can show him and his wife love.

It's a scary thing to knock on a door, to pick out a gift (not knowing what someone might like), to ask about someone (who may not be doing well, who may not have made it at all). And, though it's such a romantic notion to care for our neighbors- sometimes it really can be (in the day to day) a difficult thing to do.

I know, too, that my girls just LOVE our neighbor so very much.  They draw her pictures, and talk about her all the time.  Selfishly, I don't want to know if she is not doing well- because I feel so scared to have to tell them that!  But, I know what I have to do.  I can no longer let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

I'll keep you posted...

Reach Out

"I don’t believe in guilty pleasures. If you fucking like something, like it. That’s what’s wrong with our generation: that residual punk rock guilt, like, “You’re not supposed to like that. That’s not fucking cool.” Don’t fucking think it’s not cool to like Britney Spears’ “Toxic.” It is cool to like Britney Spears’ “Toxic”! Why the fuck not? Fuck you! That’s who I am, goddamn it! That whole guilty pleasure thing is full of fucking shit." -Dave Grohl

"Accept the risk of vulnerability.  Do not let fear paralyze your life. Wanting, reaching out and letting yourself hope makes you vulnerable. At least by putting yourself on the line, you have the chance of getting what you want, as opposed to hurting with no chance of getting what you want. Not to venture is to lose yourself." -Dr. Phil

Watching my kids play, it's clear that the older we are in life, the more guarded we are in relationships.  When my kids enjoy someone's company, they say so.   Inviting a friend over again and again to play- never worried about if they will come off as overly eager.   They take such delight in unplanned, unfettered time spent running around the school yard together or playing make believe in the backyard.  They don't seem to mind much if their friends are older or younger, taller or shorter, boys or girls, or even if they speak the same language.  None of that gets in the way of just being together with other kids.

When's the last time you said to someone, "Hey, I like you.  I want to be your friend"?  I would guess it's been since childhood.  And yet, there is no better way to reach out to someone.  If you like someone, say so.  If you want to spend more time with someone, invite them into your life whether it's messy or tightly controlled, wildly complicated or extremely boring.   Even if it's painfully awkward or deeply embarrassing- whatever you do, REACH OUT.